A New Abbott and Costello

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch,  “Who’s on First?” might have turned out something like this:

 COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking

 about buying a computer.

 ABBOTT: Mac?

 COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

 ABBOTT: Your computer?

 COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

 ABBOTT: Mac?

 COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

 ABBOTT: What about Windows?

 COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

 COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write

 proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have ?

 ABBOTT: Office.

 COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

 ABBOTT: I just did.

 COSTELLO: You just did what?

 ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 COSTELLO: You recommended something?

 ABBOTT: Yes.

 COSTELLO: For my office?

 ABBOTT: Yes.

 COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 ABBOTT: Office.

 COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

 ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m

 sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

 ABBOTT: Word.

 COSTELLO: What word?

 ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

 ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

 COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some

 straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I

 can track my money with?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

 ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

 ABBOTT: Money.

 COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

 ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

 COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 ABBOTT: One copy.

 COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

 ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

 ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

 (A few days later)

 ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

 ABBOTT: Click on “START

 

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